the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize