Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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