Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
