I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
