I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
