Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
