I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
