Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
