They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
