I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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