Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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