Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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