The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize