No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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