Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
