He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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