How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
