my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
