I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
