so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
