12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
