you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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