He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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