I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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