Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
