seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
