planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
