It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
