i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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