Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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