Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dignity is for republicans.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
