so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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