His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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