she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
