so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize