Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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