well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
