k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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