then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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