i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
