it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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