your parents love me but you hate me
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
