remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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