did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
