i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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