so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Randomize
