as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
