my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
