It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
