I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Life is so much better after having sex.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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