You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
