porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Found your dick twin last night
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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