I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
