I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize