yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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