so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
