I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
