guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
