My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
so let's talk penis.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize