i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
my shit smells like andre
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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