areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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