i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
