I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
